Montagues and Capulets
by GeorgeAndrews
Summary: When Danny Messer ends up on a Stag-Do (bachelor party), things will only get messy, and who will he bump into? My attempt at Kates89's Events Challenge.


A/N – This is my attempt at Kates89 Events Challenge. I got Danny Messer as my main character, Sam Flack as my minor character and a Stag-Hen do as my event.

For other countries who may not be familiar with a Stag-Do or Hen-Do the former is a bachelor party, (groom's night out before his wedding) and the latter is a bachelorette party (bride's night out before her wedding).

* * *

The heat is what blew Danny's mind. So many people crammed into such a small space. And yet, the space wasn't even really that small but the people, it was like a vast ocean of heads. One huge entity of sultry, sweaty bodies all clinging to one another as they thrusted their hips and waved their arms to the music. Danny felt his t-shirt wringing with sweat as it stuck to his muscular torso and the ridges of his six-pack. He liked to keep himself in shape, he was getting on a bit now, almost twenty years older than some of the kids that moved spritely round him and he needed to keep himself in shape. An elbow shoved into the small of his back and he twisted awkwardly to see who had attacked him, hand instinctively going to his belt where there was nothing.

"Sorry, Mister," giggled the twenty-something blonde, blowing him a kiss before turning back to her friends and throwing her head back as she began dancing once more.

Danny only just caught her words and his hand dropped to his side. Of course. He wasn't armed. Why would he be? This was a stag do. Speaking of which...Danny struggled to remove himself from the centre of the sea of bodies and began shifting his way through bikini-clad women and men with no shirts on. Bright lights flashed in his eyes, blinding his way and dry ice spurted out at intervals filling his lungs and making him wheeze and cough. God, if there was ever a situation to make him feel like an old man. Suddenly the strobe lighting came on and immediately Danny felt himself being squashed and shifted by the waves of bodies, his feet were trodden on hard and he was knocked from side to side. Over to his left a young looking guy was puking down himself and through the strobe light it looked rather amusing. Danny snorted and then tried to push away and towards the are he'd last seen the rest of the stag party in. He looked up and found himself staring into the muscular chest of a huge man who was pushing past him, going in the opposite direction. Danny cursed himself for not being taller like Flack...speaking of who...

He finally caught sight of his lanky friend collapsed in a corner booth in the VIP area of the club. Danny grinned and then made his way over, taking three or four times as long as he would have done if the club had been empty, and if he hadn't drunk copious amounts of alcohol already that evening. It had been Flack's fault really, the detective had always favoured a round of shots and after Sambuca, Tequila, Jager, vodka and some girly fruity ones his vision and balance were both severely hampered.

"Flacky boy," Danny yelled as he tripped up the two steps and toppled into a security guard.

"Pass, Sir," the man voiced in a deep and gruff tone, kindly steadying Danny on his feet.

"Oh right, yeah," Danny grinned as he flashed the VIP pass he had and was let on into the seating area.

"Danno," Flack muttered, not looking at Danny but staying absolutely still on his chair.

"Where are the others?" Danny asked, looking round for the rest of the party.

"Bar," Flack coughed, still unable to take his eyes off whatever he was staring at.

"And you didn't want to go too?" Danny asked in disbelief. "That's most unlike you."

"Danno," Flack stated and then stopped. His hands suddenly gripped the edge of the table, knuckled white from the force of his hold.

"Yes?" Danny asked after a while, when it became apparent that Flack wasn't talking.

"I don't think I can move," Flack stated in all sincerity, finally turning his head to look at Danny.

It was all he could do for Danny not to laugh at the pitiful and solemn look Flack was giving him.

"There there, buddy," he said in what he thought was a sympathetic voice, gently patting a hand on Flack's shoulder.

"Why are we moving?" Flack suddenly said irritably.

"Um...we're not," Danny frowned.

"Yeah, you see," Flack pointed to the ground. "We're moving."

Danny followed his finger and then looked back at Flack. "No, we're not."

"The table is," Flack stated seriously. "It wasn't here before."

"The table has always been here, Flack," Danny chuckled.

"I don't feel so good," Flack finally sighed and leant his head back, closing his eyes.

"You just stay here, buddy. I think I'm gonna try find you a glass of water or summin," Danny stated as he stood up and then wobbled precariously.

"Shhshhh" Flack hissed loudly.

"Huh?" Danny asked, looking down at his friend who was now staring off past his shoulder.

"Shhshh. S'Katy Perry over there," Flack said loudly, attempting to smooth his hair down with one hand but instead slapping his hand into his face.

Danny turned around and eyed up the dark haired girl behind him.

"Flack, that's not Katy Perry," he informed his tall friend.

"Shhshh...yes it is," Flack stated, looking like he was about to get up.

"Err I think you better just stay seated there, Flack," Danny muttered, gently but firmly putting a hand on his shoulder.

Flack looked like he was about to argue back but then suddenly slumped down in his seat.

"You tell her Don Flack is liking what he sees," Flack grinned, his eyes becoming unfocused.

"Yeah, I'll tell her that. I'll get her to come over in a minute," Danny hushed and then turned and went on his way.

He stumbled past the girl Flack had been talking about, deciding that she actually looked rather more like Cher than anyone else and headed over to the bar. Fortunately the VIP area wasn't busy like the rest of the club due to the difficulty and prices of the tickets to the area and Danny had no trouble getting to the bar.

"Diddilly Doo Danster-Gangster," said an excited voice as Danny found his hair being ruffled by a firm hand.

"Aww...get off me Louie-Pooie," Danny retorted, pulling his head out of his brother's grasp.

"Aw, is baby Messer getting upset?" Louie laughed.

"I am not baby Messer, I'm quite grown up now I think you'll find," Danny muttered.

Louie grinned at his little brother and then pulled him in for a big hug. "Aww you know I don't mean it, bro. I love ya."

"Yeah yeah," grumbled Danny but patted his brother back affectionately.

"We're all growing up now," grinned Louie and then turned to the girl behind the bar. "Four Tequila's please."

"Yeah, we're all real mature," Danny nodded.

"Isn't this just the greatest oh so most fabuloso Stag party you've ever been on?" Louie asked, downing two of the shots himself.

"Yeah it's pretty good," Danny admitted shyly.

Louie grinned happily at him. "Here, take this," he said, holding out a Tequila for Danny.

"Err, I think I had enough, brov," Danny muttered.

"Nonsense," the older Messer chuckled before practically forcing Danny to down the shot, lime and salt excluded.

"Urgh," Danny grimaced, holding onto his stomach.

"Sweet," Louie smiled as he did the last shot himself.

"I think I'm gonna go out and get some fresh air... maybe have a smoke," Danny coughed, stumbling away from the bar and out towards the smoking area.

It was a warm evening, still the height of summer and from where he stood he could see down the street to the humongous line of people still queuing to get into the club. Wiring fencing surrounded the smoking area and two tall, burly guards stood either side of the door back into the club. It wasn't busy in the area as it was the one reserved for VIPs, only two girls giggled with each other in one corner and James and Eliot, both of whom were part of the Stag group stood talking to one another to one side. Danny had known them from his days as kid back on Staten Island.

"Yo Dan," James smiled. "Great Stag."

"Cheers," Danny nodded. "How're you guys doing?"

"Not drunk enough," Eliot replied, inhaling on his cigarette.

"Hey, I don't suppose I could borrow..." Danny asked, looking longingly at the smoky goodness. "I'm trying to quit but..."

"Sure," Eliot grinned as he offered one from the pack to Danny.

"I'll get you a drink," Danny said in thanks as James offered up his lighter and lit the end of the cigarette for him.

"Nonsense, we should be getting you one," Eliot laughed.

"Well, well, well...Danny Messer," said a voice loudly and Danny turned to see a female figure stalking her way over to him from the other side of the wire fencing. Sam Flack.

She looked incredibly sexy in a short black dress and sky-high heels. Her long dark hair fell over her shoulders and she smiled at him easily. She was stunningly beautiful, Danny thought, but at the same time she also looked very much like Flack, if Flack had been a girl, and if any thought could be an absolute turn off... it was that.

"Hey Sam, whatcha doing here?" Danny asked, coming to stand against the wire fence that separated them.

"The hens wanted to go to the club," Sam smiled.

"Hens?" Danny frowned, feeling like he was stupidly forgetting something.

"Hen do," Sam laughed, holding up her left hand and showing him the huge diamond that sat on her ring finger, as if to remind him.

"Oh yeah," Danny said thickly, and then grinned. "What a whopper."

"Well I caught a good guy," she smiled shyly.

"Sure did," Danny replied, returning her smile.

"So how long have you been at it?" she asked, glancing at her watch.

"Umm..." Danny looked down at his fingers, feeling rather stupid that his mathematical ability seemed to have walked out the door around the same time his memory, balance and clear eyesight had deserted him too.

"Long night, huh?" she asked in amusement when he didn't reply.

"Nah, just getting started," Danny replied and as if on cue stumbled slightly over his own feet and clung onto the fencing.

"Such a classy man," Sam laughed. "Is my brother in there too?"

"Yeah," Danny nodded, face burning a bright red as he straightened up. "And mine, along with everybody else."

"Good Stag?" Sam asked.

"The best," Danny replied. "Naturally."

"Oh, naturally," Sam replied, copying Danny's tone.

"Hey," Danny scoffed.

"Couldn't help it. You boys from Staten Island..." she giggled.

"Better than from Queens like you Flacks," Danny retorted.

Their eyes caught each other's for a moment and then they both burst out laughing.

"Anyway," Danny said breathlessly as he recovered from laughing. "It's what happens after the Stag that's the best bit."

"Ahhh...you'll be meaning the wedding," Sam nodded and an excited expression donned her face.

Danny grinned happily as he saw her smiling, it was good to see her so happy especially after what she had been through with her father's disapproval of her during her childhood, her alcoholism and estrangement from her brother. Danny was glad more than anything that Flack and Sam had made up with each other.

"I sure do," Danny replied. "And the married life after that."

"Who knew you were such a romantic?" Sam laughed.

"Me?" Danny grinned, pointing his own finger at his chest. "I'm the most romantic guy around."

"Oh really," Sam nodded. "So I suppose there isn't a stripper in there too?"

"Stripper?" Danny mouthed, blushing as he willed his brain to think of a response.

"It's okay," Sam laughed loudly. "I don't mind."

"Oh," Danny blew a sigh of relief. "Cos you can't have a Stag-Do without a stripper."

"No," Sam agreed. "Nor a Hen-Do."

"W...w...what?" Danny choked.

"Sammy, what are you doing talking to him?"

Sam and Danny looked up to see two girls making their way over to them laughing and trying to look stern.

"Sam, you mustn't talk to him," the blonde said.

"We need to get in line," the brunette added.

"Mindy, April," Danny nodded at the two girls.

"Danny Messer," they both squealed in reply.

"So hot," mouthed Mindy to April.

"Hey, I'll be there in a minute," Sam replied, shooing her friends away. "You forget I'm not drunk like you two."

The two girls laughed and then tottered away on their high heels.

"I should be getting back too," Danny muttered. "They won't be able to start the stripper without me."

"Lucky boy," Sam winked. "Say hi to my brother."

"I'll try, but last time I spoke to him he didn't seem so good," Danny admitted.

"That boy could never hold his drink like a man," Sam replied, shaking her head.

Danny suddenly remembered that he'd been in the middle of getting Flack a pint of water before getting side tracked first by Louie then James and Eliot and now Sam.

"God, I should really go and check on him," Danny muttered.

"Give him a kiss from me," Sam said, winking her eye.

Danny made a disgusted face and looked revolted at the mere thought of giving Flack a kiss. Sam giggled heartily at his look.

"Catch you later, Mr Messer," she laughed as she turned and started to walk away.

"You too, Mrs Messer," Danny grinned in response.

"Nuh huh, not just yet," Sam smiled over her shoulder, waggling a finger as she disappeared into the line.

Danny grinned and then made his way back into the club. The heat hit him like a solid wall and he stumbled backwards before pushing on into it. His eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness, despite the flashing lights and he spied Flack slumped over the same table he'd been sat at before. The detective's arms hung down loosely at his sides and his forehead was resting gently on the surface. Danny giggled as he noticed Flack was crushing his own nose.

"Flacky boy, wake up," Danny yelled in his ear and then prodded a finger into his side.

"Aargh!" screamed Flack, jolting awake and then blinking blearily round at Danny. "Danno?" he said in disbelief.

"Just me, nothing scary," Danny grinned.

"God, I was having the worst dream," Flack muttered. "Katy Perry was making me go on stage with her to sing...in one of those weird costumes..."

Danny howled with laughter at his friend and then shook his head. "You've drunk way too much, my friend."

"I've gone right off her," Flack muttered grumpily.

"Silly Flack," Danny murmured to himself. "Hey, I saw your sister outside, she's coming in."

"Sam?" Flack asked.

"Unless you got another one?" Danny chuckled.

Flack frowned at him. "Just the one, though not for much longer. Not now she's gonna be a Messer soon. Oh God..." Flack shook his head in despondency.

"Hey!" Danny exclaimed in offence.

"Flacks and Messers tied by marriage. It's like the Montagues and Capulets," Flack said ashamedly.

"Seriously Flack? Shakespeare?" Danny sniggered.

"We're actually gonna be like brothers, man," Flack sighed, ignoring the jibe.

"Hey, you could have worse," Danny muttered, smiling a little.

"Sure could," Flack nodded and then grinned at Danny.

"Hey Flacky-Wacky Mianacky and Dan-Doe Poe," Louie grinned as he lurched towards their table, three shots in his hands. Behind him Eliot, James and a few others were laughing.

"Urgh," Danny grumbled.

"Him on the other hand..." Flack attempted at whispering in Danny's ear.

"Shots for us all," Louie laughed.

"Cheers," Danny stated and the three of them gulped the fluorescent liquid down in one.

"God, it burns," Flack coughed. "You fed me poison! An NYPD cop..."

"Good stuff," Louie nodded. "And Dan-doe?"

"Yes?" Danny grumbled at his brother.

"Just wanted to say thanks," Louie smiled. "Thanks for organising the best Stag ever."

"That's why I'm the best man," Danny grinned.

"And I'm the luckiest bastard in the entire world," Louie replied.

"And my sister's an idiot for falling for a Messer like you, Louie," Flack muttered, slumping over the table again and banging his head.

"And that's why I love her," Louie replied, swapping a look with his younger brother before they both broke out into raucous laughter.


End file.
